A muslim reverts questions, thought and general banter

As salamu alaykum, my name is Frankie AKA Ayah, I’m British born and raised revert to Islam I reverted 6 years ago, and now feel like I know enough on Islam and have enough experience to share with others my question, thought​ and general banter I have come across as a revert. I hope others find my blog interesting and feel and understand the issues i have faced. Enjoy 🙂

Featured post

What not to say about my hijab, abaya and niqab

What color is my hair? How long is your hair?…. A very strange question to ask, I have actually been asked by men whay color or long my hair is. I find it very odd, I mean if I wanted you to see my hair color… I wouldnt be covering it, wearing would be useless. Isn’t that just the logical understanding of hijab, convert so others can’t see it know of the beauty that lies beneath….. For the people that ask the answer is “A” its “a color” and for my length.. “my hair is somewhere between being bald and floor length” and yes I have actually used these as a response.

Do I shower with it on? This is one if those questions where you just think…why? Why on earth would you assume such a stupid thing.

Do I sleep with it on?…. This is just as dumb the last question.

Do I walk around the house with it on?  It in front of husband? No I don’t, I cover up to stop others looking at me not my self, my beauty of for me and my husband and people that are haram to me can see me with out hijab, these people are my parents, brother, uncles, grandparents, grandchildren. There are a few other special cases… But this is the general rule.

Do you miss not wearing it? Yes and no. I miss having my hair out and dressing up in cute outfits, BUTTT I don’t miss the looks and comments I get from others, i don’t miss the stress of needing to look good or worried if I ruined the look. The pros way out the cons. Most of all I do love being identified as Muslim!

Why always black? Well I dress to be modest and not show off. Plus I really do like black!

Why not other colours? I don’t feel the need to wear colored I may wear a colour scarf blue and then but I just don’t have the need to desire to. I really just like black. 

Why not fashionable stuff? Doing modest for the sake of Allah is giving up ask worldly desires. Dressing to look fashionable can lead to the having the need of looking a curtian way and that way can be pleasing to other which can lead to other desires. To me its a small trap from shaytaan that leads down a dark road. 

Niqab is culture not religion! That is not true. Some say Sunna some day fard but it is not culture. We see modest to no have others stare at us, to blend in, to not be harrassed. Forget being fard or Sunna or culture, I went to India and the part I went to I wass the only white person with out niqab I was a sidr sure freak I was stared at in such away that i couldn’t even behind to explain, curiousity, lust, jealousy, desires, confusion, from both men and women alike. For me to blend in and be modest like Islam asks I worse niqab and like magic I was one of them That is why niqab is apart of Islam. It is there when it is needed regardless of opinions.

 All black is oppressive! Goths wear black, they love black. Are they oppressed? 

Niqab is oppressive! Niqab doesn’t stop me having fun or personality or a mind of my own! If I am forced to wear something then it is oppressive, if I chose to wear it, and love wearing it. You still think I’m oppressed? No oppression is something that is forced I am not forced.

I dont get that!

Have you ever woken up to a bad hair day and stressed out wondering what to do with it… Yea, I dont get that. 

Have you ever struggled with getting the ideal to look good… Yea, I dont get that.

Have you ever thought in the morning that you are bloated or felt fat and you cant face the world that your clothes won’t fit of so perfectly… Yea, I dont get that. 

Have you ever had gone out side and the weather has killed your look… Yea, I dont get that.

Have you ever had a man whistle at you for looking oh so fine… Yea, I dont get that.

Have you ever had people come up to you to flirt or harrass you as if you asked it… Yea, I  dont get that.

Have you spoken to someone and all they do is look down at your chest and not your face… Yea you’re right. i dont get that either.

I dont wake up everyday needing to please anyone. I have more time in bed or with my family because I dont spend ages in the mirror being paranoid that I dont look good enough. I’m free from a world where looks are key. My beauty is my heart not my body! We all know this, but we still spend hours of our lives in front of a mirror. I can go days where i dont need to even really use a mirror to get ready. I have that extra hour living my life, yet you call me oppressed? 

Who really opresses me?

I have stated I wear abaya in my last post. I wore it out of choice, I love my abaya and proud to wear it and be identified as a muslim… But some think I’m opressed.

I’ve been asked by why I wear abaya, why can’t I just wear my colorful clothes that I have. It’s simple on so many reasons and beneficial in ways you some don’t realise

I wear abaya for Allah because Allah told us wear what is modest. He asks us to do so, so that we do not get harrassed by men. I believe that you can’t achieve modesty in jeans and trousers and bright colors but that is my person opinion. I wouldn’t pray and stand in front of Allah in jeans so I dont believe I should stand in front of non mehrem in such a way. Unfortunately, men will look at women (not all but some) in such away that can lead to desire and wearing bright clothes will make people look faster than wearing toned down shades. We’re asked to cover not wrap our selves, Prophet Muhammed said there will be a day comes​ where people are clothed but naked! Skinny jeans and tight tops, Put a scarf on it does that really make it modest? Ask your self is that how Allah is pleased?

I don’t want to be harrassed and sexualised by men and I really dont want to be in competition with other women. No one really says it but yes some women compete against other women. I’m not in competition with anyone and I have a lot more in life to think of than what the next person thinks of how I’m dressed. Sociaty is dicating what to wear, what is beautiful and how we should look on a day to day basis. It is really sad that young girls are struggling with weight issues because society said slim is sexy, yes times are changing but it’s still far from ok. I wear what i wear because I don’t let others dicate my dress I dont want to have to worry day in and day out if I’m over weight or if something looks fat on me or of my make up is on trend. I don’t want to spend an hour in the mirror day in day getting ready. 1 hour a day can add up to be 15 days of your life wasted a year! That time in a mirror could have been 2 week holiday I could have had with family I could be with… Wasted! And for what doing what is socially expected? Hell no!
Once I was with family in a place that doesn’t like Muslims, I felt like it wasn’t safe to wear abaya so I wore my western clothes (with hijab), to fit in. I felt uncomfortable, unhappy, insecure and untrue to my self, just so I please other. People say I’m opressed when I wear black abaya but I feel free. I’m spoken to not at, I’m taken seriously​. My itentity and personality is from my heart and mind not my clothes. When I had to remove my abaya to please everyone else I felt so opressed and depressed, I lost my identity… My deen went down and my salah went with it all for other not for the sake of Allah.

My abaya says to the world, You can not dicate what I look like. I will not conform to what you want. I am muslim and I am honoured to be a Muslim and for others to identify​ me that way.

The world opresses me when im forced to remove my abaya. Allah liberates me when I cover for him!

From hot pants to abayas

As a revert to Islam. I’m asked all the time questions on why I became Muslim and for this, I have had to do a lot more research to back my actions. One of my reseaches led me to wearing abaya. 

I choice to wear abaya because I believe it to be the most modest form of dress, some say you can be modest with western clothes but to my personal experience says other wise.

As non Muslim I wore the typical hot pants and short dresses. I did it purely for attention from the other guys…and it work! It didn’t matter if I was with someone or not the attention was great. Made to feeling beautiful was amazing… Or so I thought. After converting to Islam I still wore next to nothing for 2 years… Truth was I didnt care what Islam said (I had my struggles), but after spending more and more time around other Muslims I did my reseach into modesty. I went from short shorts to jeans and long sleeves.. but men still hit on me. I then spent 7 months in Egypt and I was treat with so much respect. But when I returned I realised how little respect I was given just because of my clothing. Men still flirt and still tell me they wouldn’t say no, gross! It didn’t matter if I was dress decently, So I put on hijab al hamdulilah, it was the fashionable hijab fun and colorful. I moved to London and surrounded by Muslims of different origins and strength of deen.

This time being hijabi with western clothes, non Muslims still flirted just enough to be able to get away with it and now the Muslim men themselves joined in, asking if I’m married and how beautiful I looked​… One day a man at work came up to me and said Salam to me and told me my trousers i wore were too tight! I was mortified! How tight were they for a brother to tell me such thing. I went home and checked and realising how bad it was. I had a fellow Muslimah at work she wore abaya and I asked her about how comfortable it was to work in it and no less than 2 week later I was in abaya full time. Like magic men respected me!  There is still the odd case now and then but my abaya made me feel free, I was no longer someone people flirted with, I was respected by all around. 

Please don’t underestimate a revert!

A rant if I may.

In the last 10 years I did my share of going back and forth in studying my religion and even had the chance to travel to a Muslim country, and a state in India that is Muslim. I have learnt a lot about Islam, cultural and cultural Islam. I would never say I know enough but my knowledge a decent. 

I find that even after my 10 years of researching and being surrounded by Muslims, being a Muslim for 6 years and traveling in and out of a Muslim country that people always underestimate me. I’m always asked do I know Islam 101 things… For example.

Do you know how to pray?…Well yes I do Al Hamdulilah Not perfectly I’m not Arab to know arabic perfectly but I know enough for salah. Sometimes I miss salah… just like everyone else. As a Muslim revert the first thing we learn is how major praying is. 

You should eat with your right and everything with your right hand! Yes I get that a lot… My problem is I’m naturally left handed give me a pen and I will write with my left. I try with my right but it isn’t natural for me no matter how much I try. I can eat with my right but after that I’m a lefty.

Can you read arabic? No, I’m not Arab I have taken a few classes but no. most Muslims are not Arab and I bet a lot of them cant read Arabic. I even know Muslims who read Arabic but don’t understand it and never read it in their native language.

Do you read quran? Yes I do but in English so I can understand. Why read and not understand I get we get more rewards for it but I rather understand

And the general little do you know this and do you know that, what about this? Look no offense… But I know. And please stop checking I spend so much time checking everything I hear and if I learn something new, I go and research about it.

I understand that people are just checking, but in all honesty a Muslim revert of many years actually could know a lot more than a born Muslim, but that is another subject for another day. Just assume the revert knows and if they had any doubt the revert will research or ask someone. It can actually be very annoying.

Not everyone will have same issues or feel the same way. This is just one’s own opinion. I hope i didn’t offend anyone or upset anyone… Feel free to ask questions InshaAllah 

Fee Amaanillah, until next time , In Shaa Allah 

My convert story

It all started when I was a kid at the age of 11. I had asked my dad if he could have any job in the world what would it be! He said Egyptology. I went back into school the following week and looked at Egyptology books and I was hooked for years I would watch everything about ancient Egypt, get books to read, collect ornaments… You name it i probably had it. I even had a Tutankhamun coffin cupboard!

 One day my sister was on a teen chat site and she told me she was talking to a guy (I will call him Mr A for story purposes)from Egypt. I was like omg let me talk to him…. So I did. We because very close and even started an online relationship! I was about 15-16 at this time. 

My dad had given me money for my 16th birthday a decent amount that I could even save it for a holiday. I had saved up some money from the job I got right after college. Me and Mr A decided to go Egypt for holiday and I hadnt told anyone about my online relationship at this point even though it was going on for about 6 months to a year. 

We booked the holiday with out people knowing my real reason to go… I was really going to see Mr A. If they really knew I wouldn’t been allowed to go… They only found out weeks before we went! 

We met met at the hotel I stayed in…..Love at first sight! I learnt he was muslim on the last day as some issues happened with a staff member and the subjuct arose. I didnt think off it and when i went back home. Mr A asked me to come and stay with him and his family for the summer… Crazy and stupid at the time but I was 17 at the time… So why not! And yes, my family went mental but I was old enough to do as i pleased.

I got to Mr A’s house in giza… Egypt and spent an amazing summer there! I saw all his friends and family and we all became close very quickly. And this is the first time I really saw any muslims! They informed me the do’s and don’t of islam the basics really… Dont eat pork, don’t drink alcohol…ect ect but nothing major. I saw them pray and people wear hijab.time went by and the summer ended and time to part which really did break my hurt and Mr A’s hurt, even the family cried. 

I got home and i researched like crazy about this religion they were. I wasn’t searching because I liked the religion,it didn’t bother me in the slightest, but i was interested to understand Mr A’s life style to understand him wnd my new friends way of life. I wanted to be educated to understand! I researched why hijab? Why fast? Why not eat pork or drink alcohol? Why this and why that? One youtube video after another clicking on sugguestion video that were under the video i was currently watching… I was hooked. 

I went back and forth for 9 years to Mr A’s house. Summer holiday lasting months and general weekly holidays. We were going to get married and everything. My first holiday was in 2006 with my friend and I went one or two times a year up until 2015.

About 4 years into the relationship ( 23.11.2010 at 3.16am Egyptian time) I took my shahada. I was beeming with joy smiling like a kid in a candy shop. Mr A’s family and friends where there some even cried and gave me gifts. I did it at his home nice and quiet and simple! 

Mr A and I broke up 5 years later at start 2015. We wanted different things in life and it was just putting distance in between us. We we were very close and had a very strong relationship. We ended on good terms. It was very sad and heart broking but for the sake of Allah we had to move on. 

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